A Rough Month

{Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  Trust in Him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.}

                                                 -Psalm 62:5, 7

Well, OK then, it's been over three weeks since I've blogged and usually that happens because there is really nothing I would consider "blog-worthy" to spend the effort and time it takes to blog; HOWEVER, this month has been quite the opposite.  I've had so much going on that there really hasn't been any extra time to blog pictures and updates, much less, a few words about my life lately.  I already feel like I might be a terrible mother to my sweet baby girl since I've done such a poor job of taking and posting belly pictures and how my pregnancy is going.  But, that really has no reflection on my character as a mom, just that my life has been a little crazy while Caroline's been growing rapidly inside of me.  :)  I have to remember these things, or Satan gets a foothold on me and starts to feed me lies about how I'm not prepared to be a mom or how inadequate I am for motherhood, etc.  Ugh... what a jerk that Satan is.  Anyway, as my post title states, it truly has been a rough month - physically, mentally, emotionally and yes, spiritually. 

It all started off when Jay left for another month (like he did last December) for some clinical rotations in Tulsa and Little Rock.  I really struggled with him leaving this time around mostly due to the fact that I am a basket case of hormones and emotions but I think more because I was so sad that of the three months we had left just the two of us, he would be gone one of them!  I know, poor me.  I'm pretty sure I threw myself several pity parties while he was away, but honestly I was just trying to be real with myself.  Everything wasn't just "fine and dandy" and I couldn't just smile and swallow down those very genuine emotions.  I did get to see him twice during that month which was fantastic (only, one time was for his grandad's funeral which I'll get to later...).  We got a lot done on the nursery when he came home the first weekend and I felt so much better after seeing such progress on our daughter's future room.  {You can see pics below}

Secondly, my summer intern left to go back to school in central Missouri which left me high and dry to accomplish everything the two of us had been working on together the whole summer.  Wow, that brought on a whole new wave of emotions and stress that I was truly not expecting.  KTI has had one of the busiest summers since I started (just celebrated 3 years!) and I was overwhelmed, overworked and just plain exhausted.  Now, please hear me out on this... I realize my job is not the hardest or the most labor intensive and I am not trying to complain one bit about it because I truly am thankful for it - I think I just wasn't allowing myself enough grace in the day-to-day moments and truly recognizing that God's mercies really were new every morning.  I had a mental breakdown while on the phone with my parents which lead to several things actually... a better daily perspective, more meaningful times with the Lord and a massage!  Thank you, Dad and Mom. :) 

Thirdly, along with the pregnancy hormones I was dealing with some back pain and severe swelling in my legs and feet which not only does not feel good, it does not look good.  Ha ha!  I hope my feet haven't stretched out enough for me to have to buy new shoes this winter... although... maybe I do... ;)  I failed my initial glucose test for gestational diabetes, had to get a shot in the butt and return to the phlebotomist for the dreaded 3-hour glucose test.  Praise the Lord I passed the second screening with normal levels but since flu season is just around the corner, of course, I had to get a flu shot.  Umm... I think I'll be done visiting the doctor for a while.  Oh wait, I'm 30 weeks pregnant and the doctor's visits will never cease!

Right about the time Jay was transitioning from Tulsa (a giant praise to the Lord for affirmation in Jay's specialty pick - radiology!) to Little Rock, we received some family news.  His grandad, Deda, was in very poor health and things did not look good at all.  Jay arrived late on a Friday night and Deda passed away the following Tuesday morning.  I was able to travel to Little Rock for the funeral that following weekend to be with Jay and the family.  It was a sober time of grief but we knew Deda was welcomed into his forever home by our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.  It was good to see all of the family and spend some quality time together even if it was for such circumstances. 

The end of the month really wrapped up quite nicely with an extended visit from my mom (I love her so much!), Jay's return home, a dear friend's baby shower, and a new hire for the office!  All things that came just in God's perfect timing and made me realize how much He truly has blessed this wretch and allows me to depend on Him more fully. 

Well, that about does it for now.  I appreciate you reading and listening to my rantings - it really does feel good to process all this in a way that allows me to be vulnerable and honest and in a way, accountable to people "out there".  It's going to be a busy fall and I hope to give you some more glimpses into our crazy life as we transition into a brand new chapter of our lives.